2019 - The year that beat me up over and over again
Where do I begin ? How about late 2018? September 29th, 2018 was the day that changed my life forever. I had gone to church with a gut wrenching feeling. I was in a 14 day social media fast and was on day 11. I got home and decided to follow god's prompting of going onto Facebook. I had discovered that my adopted cousin had taken his life the night before. The biggest thing I'm guilty for is that I should have talked to Clint more and I promised myself that I need to take the time to talk to those and check up on them before it's too late. The following week and a half ,I had a hard time sleeping and I'd cry myself to sleep. I went and saw my doctor who diagnosed me with severe anxiety and depression. 2 weeks later, My 12 year old cousin was in the hospital because her neck was hurting. It turned out to be CANCER . Around that same time , an elder in my ward died of old age and a stroke and this elder was like a grandfather to me. 3 days later... I broke down during english class because of my depression next thing I know is I end up in the counselor's office crying and stuttering everything I'm going through.
Late November, I met someone who needed a fresh start , she was a transfer student who was going through a lot more than me. She gave me a lot of good advice. My cousin started balding and I had this Idea that I didn't need my hair . So I told all my friends that I might shave my head and they were supportive and when telling the idea to my dad he disapproved . So I went for a compromise that made me look a little like skrillex. I shaved the sides bald and left everything long. I also got a keratin treatment to help my hair.
2019
I started the new year with a new look and as member of the girl's basketball team . I shot my first points of the season during the middle of the season. One of my best friends transferred to another school and once again I cried my eyes out. Soon enough, winter formal came and I went with the girl who gave me advice on anxiety. KSL NEWS reached out to my mom while she was at work and they wanted to do a story about Autism and mental health. I WAS ON TV
Link: https://ksltv.com/409298/women-autism-may-greater-risk-suicide-study-finds/
My crush asked me out on Valentine's day. I went on a triple date with my boyfriend and 2 of his cousins were good friends of mine. I saw a play that one of my childhood Friend's wrote and my life was going great.
In April, I went on a road trip that planned . We went to 4 corners and arches . I discovered that I could be a great photographer. I met a professional soccer player and got to go see the team play. My life was going great but then one day my boyfriend wasn't himself and I found out he needed help and he was getting help for his mental health . I couldn't see him for 3 weeks and when I finally saw him again ,I was happy but he still had issues.
Summer
My cousin beat cancer and her wish was to go on a trip to Oregon and spend 2 weeks near the ocean. I had a lot of fun. When we got back , The past decided to flood me with horrifying memories that made me really irritated at times to prevent things from getting worse I reached out to my bishop who helped me out. I went to girls camp and trek where I told my leaders and bunkmates that before I came I had been struggling with mental health and I just wanted someone to listen and see if they will relate. My mom and dad announced separation and moving. I decided I needed a change , I dyed my hair blue and I looked like a smurf. My little brother got stuck in a swing and he was stuck for 1 hr and the police and firefighter trainees showed up to pull my little brother out of the baby swing.
Fall
1 week before labor day , I went on a walk with my dog and I tripped on leash and scraped my knee and hand badly. I also decided to run for a position for Student body officer. I did the AFSP Suicide prevention walk for my boyfriend, Clint, friends who have struggled and for myself. My mom moved me into an apartment near my school and it felt awesome to walk to school every morning. I missed a lot of school due to appointments and most of them were for my new braces. I went trick or treating with my 2 best friends. I went as a military dinosaur. I earned my spot to be a SBO Fundraising Director. I asked my boyfriend to homecoming and I had a great time at homecoming.
Winter/ Goodbye 2019
I started having a really tough time and everyday I was constantly on edge, the only way to distract myself was humor. I kinda went back to my class clown habits to relieve me but it kinda made things worse. 2 weeks before winter break started, I had panic attacks everyday and even worse someone told my boyfriend I cheated on him with some seniors which drove insane because it never happened. I just hung around my senior friends while I still have them but I try to keep my distance because they aren't good influences. The new year is coming sooner than my official move out date. Here's what I find surprising : " I survived 2019 , I shed many tears and many layers of duct tape, I chose to keep going despite the demons calling my name, I chose to stay and live through the trials I faced, I DID IT!!!!!"
Late November, I met someone who needed a fresh start , she was a transfer student who was going through a lot more than me. She gave me a lot of good advice. My cousin started balding and I had this Idea that I didn't need my hair . So I told all my friends that I might shave my head and they were supportive and when telling the idea to my dad he disapproved . So I went for a compromise that made me look a little like skrillex. I shaved the sides bald and left everything long. I also got a keratin treatment to help my hair.
2019
I started the new year with a new look and as member of the girl's basketball team . I shot my first points of the season during the middle of the season. One of my best friends transferred to another school and once again I cried my eyes out. Soon enough, winter formal came and I went with the girl who gave me advice on anxiety. KSL NEWS reached out to my mom while she was at work and they wanted to do a story about Autism and mental health. I WAS ON TV
Link: https://ksltv.com/409298/women-autism-may-greater-risk-suicide-study-finds/
My crush asked me out on Valentine's day. I went on a triple date with my boyfriend and 2 of his cousins were good friends of mine. I saw a play that one of my childhood Friend's wrote and my life was going great.
In April, I went on a road trip that planned . We went to 4 corners and arches . I discovered that I could be a great photographer. I met a professional soccer player and got to go see the team play. My life was going great but then one day my boyfriend wasn't himself and I found out he needed help and he was getting help for his mental health . I couldn't see him for 3 weeks and when I finally saw him again ,I was happy but he still had issues.
Summer
My cousin beat cancer and her wish was to go on a trip to Oregon and spend 2 weeks near the ocean. I had a lot of fun. When we got back , The past decided to flood me with horrifying memories that made me really irritated at times to prevent things from getting worse I reached out to my bishop who helped me out. I went to girls camp and trek where I told my leaders and bunkmates that before I came I had been struggling with mental health and I just wanted someone to listen and see if they will relate. My mom and dad announced separation and moving. I decided I needed a change , I dyed my hair blue and I looked like a smurf. My little brother got stuck in a swing and he was stuck for 1 hr and the police and firefighter trainees showed up to pull my little brother out of the baby swing.
Fall
1 week before labor day , I went on a walk with my dog and I tripped on leash and scraped my knee and hand badly. I also decided to run for a position for Student body officer. I did the AFSP Suicide prevention walk for my boyfriend, Clint, friends who have struggled and for myself. My mom moved me into an apartment near my school and it felt awesome to walk to school every morning. I missed a lot of school due to appointments and most of them were for my new braces. I went trick or treating with my 2 best friends. I went as a military dinosaur. I earned my spot to be a SBO Fundraising Director. I asked my boyfriend to homecoming and I had a great time at homecoming.
Winter/ Goodbye 2019
I started having a really tough time and everyday I was constantly on edge, the only way to distract myself was humor. I kinda went back to my class clown habits to relieve me but it kinda made things worse. 2 weeks before winter break started, I had panic attacks everyday and even worse someone told my boyfriend I cheated on him with some seniors which drove insane because it never happened. I just hung around my senior friends while I still have them but I try to keep my distance because they aren't good influences. The new year is coming sooner than my official move out date. Here's what I find surprising : " I survived 2019 , I shed many tears and many layers of duct tape, I chose to keep going despite the demons calling my name, I chose to stay and live through the trials I faced, I DID IT!!!!!"
Comments
Post a Comment