A whirlwind of events .... YIKES!!!!

2/3 -8/2020
A winter storm gave us 12 inches of snow causing my school to be closed for the day. I spent the majority of it watching my shows as well as playing in the snow. I decorated cookies for my boyfriend. Our 1 year anniversary was on 2/4/20 .

I surprised my boyfriend with cookies and I was having a conversation and this happened... Kylee (A friend) interrupts the conversation multiple times then I slapped her. I got detention but I couldn't do it the day it happened because I had to get braces tightened.  While being in the office, I was thinking how I hadn't hit anyone in a year and all the sudden I lost my temper and it just didn't seem like me at all . I don't fear detention but I fear that I'll get a demerit from SBO. I don't fear detention because I used to get it all the time when I was in 7th grade and I was late to school a lot.

Some dude decided to pull a prank on my boyfriend and I and I thought my boyfriend cheated on me. My boyfriend told the idiot to " find someone else to mess with, my girlfriend and I have been through enough".

I wrote a poem that was fueled by my suicidal thoughts . 

I’m Still Here by Hayden Voss

I wake up thinking it’s a new day 

When really that smile is fake.

I would disappear if I could

I just wish I was understood.

The person they see is a bully

But they don’t know the whole story.

My own reflection scares me

All I want is to be free. 

I wasn’t always like this but I was used

I change the story every time I was abused.

I’ve wanted to disappear and or die

But my story needs to be heard and I’m not ready to say Goodbye.

I wish I could say I had a happy childhood

But my diagnosis led to always wearing a hood.

My brother went insane and I got bruised

I wish I was blind so I don’t revisit the times I was used.

Now my family is broken apart

We moved so we could have a fresh start. 

People always saw us as a happy family 

Even I know that’s just a fantasy.

I hate the words “I love you”

Because half of the time it’s not true.

It’s just easy to say

When people say it I want to run away.

My better days are when it’s raining 

I know it’s weird but I won’t do any explaining.

Life continues and I’m still struggling 

But I’m not alone and the pain isn’t always stinging.

I went to the winter formal by myself and I got an anxiety attack fueled by fear of getting a demerit and I was TIRED of pretending everything in my life was great. I texted my boyfriend and Jaq while anxious.

 Before the dance

 Panic attack/ crying in locker room.

 I calmed myself down enough to take an end of dance photo.