TW mentions of suicide

This post is not for the faint of heart and it's a really hard topic. Suicide - one of the things that crosses our minds and to some it seems like it's the only way out. Suicide tears families apart and It's EVIL. In the U.S. it is the 10th leading cause of death. It's heartbreaking to know your friends or family has thoughts of suicide. I'm no expert on suicide but :American Foundation of Suicide Prevention know a lot more about suicide than me.

I have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and my earliest memories cause flashbacks . For example: I was in a car accident when I was 4 and I remember everything and I keep a nemo blanket that was in the wreckage . For 11 years , I couldn't be near broken glass or stand the sound of glass breaking because it would remind me of the windshield shattering. PTSD is one of the many things that cause suicidal thoughts to occur. Anxiety/ Depression can also cause suicidal thoughts and It's not fun dealing with anxiety and depression. Having a disability can also make those with it feel like a burden for needing assistance. I have Autism and my brain works differently than others and I have sensitivities to many things like : Light, sound, textures, and it varies between what type of autism people have .

Whenever I went somewhere in public , I don't leave the house without my headphones or earbuds , a fidget , my watch , wallet ,keys, glasses . Sure it sounds pretty basic but if I'm going somewhere with my younger brother I carry a small backpack full of things my brother and I need. My brother also has sensitivities and tends to escape . I tend to wander . 

This past week was full of ups and downs. I studied for 3 days preparing for a skills test for my permit but didn't take the test because it had yet to expire. I did charter on the hill too. I had a hard day after getting my permit and it included an anxiety attack at school To cheer myself up , I wore my uniform to school and I found a Utah pride pin. I support the LGBT Community for a number of reasons. 

On the weekend , I visited my old neighborhood to visit a few friends from my previous ward. We went shopping for food and I watched a lot of disney+. 

I bore my first testimony in my new ward and of course I wrote it down.

" Hi I'm new to this ward. No that's not my name . My name is Hayden Voss . I moved here about a month ago and I have mild autism . My little brother Rudy has autism. If you hear a boy in a blue jacket humming a song or theme song , That's my brother. He's really into logos and theme songs right now. He can speak on a 4 year old level and he can read too. He is 8 but soon will be 9. He is my first and best friend , like all siblings we fight but it's usually resolved in 5 minutes with the help of a funny video. I'm glad to be in a ward where no one knows me but at the same time I had to abandon my friends and I have to introduce myself many times. My parents made the move to save 20 minutes of driving to school. Rudy and I attend Spectrum Academy , an autism school. I had the opportunity to go on a hike behind the temple with the youth and your bishop. Most people won't wake up at 6 am to go on a hike that has icy,snowy, and bone crushing trails. Surprisingly many showed up and the hike was a mile and at the top , the fog uncovered the temple. I was the last one to finish due to my ankle hurting. Everyday we have to do hard things . I'm grateful for the opportunity to view nature and beauty in a new place . I like to bear my testimony , I know the church is true and I'm grateful for the beauty of the earth. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ , AMEN. "