I kinda hate life right now
I'm trying to recall why I started taking meds every other day back either in february or march . I think the reason I did it was because we decided to switch therapists during the beginning of a pandemic. I felt like I was in a nightmare and every time I took my meds every other day, I felt like I was getting closer and closer to waking up from this horrible dream . It wasn't till april I got back on track with meds. I had my first meeting with my new therapist . I didn't really get a say in switching therapists. My brother's babysitter seemed more like a therapist but she quit a couple weeks ago after I got a job and my mom forgot to pay her. I don't really like my current therapist, we only had a few sessions but every session feels more and more painful. It would get so bad I'd wonder which is more painful therapy sessions or flashbacks of my past and trauma of getting taken for granted.
I started reading 13 reasons why because the stories I'd hear kinda helped me cope with my past trauma. Plus I could relate to few characters. However I don't bring up the book or the fact I read it because I get criticized. So this is what I get for trying to be open about my mental illness. People be like you should read different things that bring you up not down. For me the things I listen to or read help me understand my mental illness better . A lot of people disagree with me but hey like religion or trying to explain my sexuality IT'S NOT FOR EVERYONE !!!!! I have a few careers in mind like A teacher or sped teacher or a high school crisis counselor.
I miss my previous therapist . I like her a lot more than my current one who looks like my old carpool's mom who is someone I felt comfortable venting to now and then. My previous therapist liked some of the same music I liked. Her office had fidget toys for people on the spectrum. She was able to relate to my troubles and she knows what it's like having autism and mental health cause she had a kid on the spectrum. She switched to part time because her kids are her world and she wanted to be their for her kids. I had a much better sleep schedule when she was my therapist . If I could I'd ask for my previous therapist because I was not ready to move on to someone who pretends to care about an abuse survivor. sure I'll probably get judged for my taste in books but at least it won't hurt as bad as my current situation. I felt more comfortable opening up to her than my current therapist where everytime we meet I feel like i'm falling deeper and deeper to the point I can't get up.
I stay up a little late to play games , I like puzzle or scrabble like games as well as adventure games. I'd also try to drown out my emotional pain by listening to depressing music or NF . Then at a certain point like 2 or 3 am or if I'm really tired i'd fall asleep listening to a playlist or meds would kick in and i'd do my best to do dental hygiene and fall asleep . from the time I take my meds to where I fall asleep I feel like I can take off my mask of depression and do my best to clean up the cracks as well as self care and meditate. I'm hoping as school starts again I can do my self care routine either a couple hours before school or limit it down to one hour.
I hope things get better for me which is why i'm still here because I have hope it will turn out okay. thanks for reading/ listening.
I started reading 13 reasons why because the stories I'd hear kinda helped me cope with my past trauma. Plus I could relate to few characters. However I don't bring up the book or the fact I read it because I get criticized. So this is what I get for trying to be open about my mental illness. People be like you should read different things that bring you up not down. For me the things I listen to or read help me understand my mental illness better . A lot of people disagree with me but hey like religion or trying to explain my sexuality IT'S NOT FOR EVERYONE !!!!! I have a few careers in mind like A teacher or sped teacher or a high school crisis counselor.
I miss my previous therapist . I like her a lot more than my current one who looks like my old carpool's mom who is someone I felt comfortable venting to now and then. My previous therapist liked some of the same music I liked. Her office had fidget toys for people on the spectrum. She was able to relate to my troubles and she knows what it's like having autism and mental health cause she had a kid on the spectrum. She switched to part time because her kids are her world and she wanted to be their for her kids. I had a much better sleep schedule when she was my therapist . If I could I'd ask for my previous therapist because I was not ready to move on to someone who pretends to care about an abuse survivor. sure I'll probably get judged for my taste in books but at least it won't hurt as bad as my current situation. I felt more comfortable opening up to her than my current therapist where everytime we meet I feel like i'm falling deeper and deeper to the point I can't get up.
I stay up a little late to play games , I like puzzle or scrabble like games as well as adventure games. I'd also try to drown out my emotional pain by listening to depressing music or NF . Then at a certain point like 2 or 3 am or if I'm really tired i'd fall asleep listening to a playlist or meds would kick in and i'd do my best to do dental hygiene and fall asleep . from the time I take my meds to where I fall asleep I feel like I can take off my mask of depression and do my best to clean up the cracks as well as self care and meditate. I'm hoping as school starts again I can do my self care routine either a couple hours before school or limit it down to one hour.
I hope things get better for me which is why i'm still here because I have hope it will turn out okay. thanks for reading/ listening.
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